HANEY TO LONG: GET THAT LIGHTS OUT 9 CHECK READY FOR ME
The amount of smack talk between promoter Donald Long and driver/owner Keith Haney would rival any between an NFL wide receiver and the cornerback covering him.
And with Long's Lights Out 9 drag radial race approaching, the talk has reached a fever pitch. From cracks about each other's height to a song Long produced about Haney to Haney smack-talking Facebook videos, the two have taken pre-race promotion to new levels.
So what would Long do if he had to sign a winner's check over to Haney?
"I think he'd probably cry signing it," Haney said. "I'd bet money he'd cry like a little b****. Guarantee you. All the s*** talking he does, he writes a check out to me, oh, it would not be good for him."
Haney, a successful car dealer in Oklahoma, pointed out that his home state has taken some of Long's money, so why would Lights Out 9 be any different?
"It's already been in Oklahoma the last two races," Haney said. "The back-to-back winner was DeWayne Mills. He's brought it back to Oklahoma already. The baddest guys in the country are from the Midwest. That money is already in Oklahoma – the question is, who's going to take it away from us? That's the biggest question.
"The baddest radial cars in the country come from the Midwest. Mark Mickie, Mark Woodruff, DeWayne Mills, Keith Haney, Andrew Alepa, Daniel Pharris – we're just the baddest f****** in the world. The best X275 car – Texas, Midwest. The Midwest have the baddest cars in the country."
Haney will race his Chevrolet Camaro named "Enigma" in the Radial vs. The World class at Lights Out 9, which will be held Feb. 15-18 at South Georgia Motorsports Park. The car will be tuned by long-time tuners Brandon Switzer and Brandon Pesz.
"Everything is the same it's been for the last year," Haney said. "We won a championship in the Radial vs. The World car. We beat out Mark Mickie, Mills, Alepa, all the guys from our area. Our odds are extremely good.
"And for the first time, we're going to do some testing before the race. We never test. That's our deal. We go and do well every year, but we never test. Never. We've got a private location (to test), and I'm not going to tell anybody what we're testing on. I'm sure something will leak."
One thing that is sure to get out is the continued banter between Haney and Long. A recent post on Long's Facebook page promoted special Yeti cups, one "full-size" one with SGMP logos and another "Keith Haney Edition" cup, which is half the size of the other.
"He always talks about how short I am, but he needs to figure it out, he's not taller than me," Haney said. "We've got the pictures to prove it."
Another post had a video where a song Long made about Haney is playing in the background. Haney laughed it off.
"I’m so popular they wrote a song about me," Haney said. "It talks about me hitting the wall, being short and all kinds of s***. Donald Long is my No. 1 fan. He's a character."
Haney, though, hopes to get the last laugh.
"He pays me to come," Haney said. "I'm the only Radial vs. The World guy who gets paid to show up."
All joking aside, there is method to the madness of Haney vs. Long. It does bring some more attention to the drag radial world, and fans eat it up. But it's all in good fun.
"Believe it or not, we're great friends," Haney said. "Everybody thinks it's because I always say, 'I hate the son of a b****.' Then they'll see us hugging."
They might not be hugging should Haney emerge victorious next month. But Haney sure will be smiling.
"He can get that check ready for me," Haney said.